Positive positive positive.

This month, and this week specifically, seems to be dragging people down. Way, way down in the dumps. From breakups to family issues to the weather and general daily misfortunes, the general mood from my observations is very low. For me personally, I've been enjoying myself and have been quite content minus the weather, of course. A family issue has surfaced that I won't mention on here, but it has definitely got me down this week (as it should). Seeing something bad happen to someone else is sometimes worse than experiencing something bad yourself, because you know there is nothing you can do to fix it. Not that you can always help when bad things happen to yourself either, but at least you somewhat have power within your locust of control.

So, to all who are going through something this month, whatever it may be.. just remember, the sun will shine again. This is something I believe strongly in, though I don't refer to myself as an optimist (nor do I refer to myself as a pessimist).  But I do believe things change and I do believe it gets better.

The snow will melt, the cold will cease, warmth will come into the world again. The sun will rise again. :)

I want

to live in a world where no one is sad, no one is lonely, no one grows old or gets sick, and no one knows what the word "hopeless" means. i want to live in a world where no one throws their hands up to the sky, asking why in despair. i want to live in a world where everybody has at least one person in their corner. i want to live in a world where no one leaves, ever. and i want to live in a world where loved ones are always there and will be there.. forever.

Chilly night air.

I absolutely love chilly night air.

I think its because I have so many fond memories that took place in chilly night air. When I was a kid, my cousins and I would play outside all day until the last possible minute before being told to come inside. We'd always beg for "5 more minutes" and extend our play into the chilly night air. I can still remember the smell and feel of the excitement before a marching band competition or high school football game performance, which took place in chilly night air. The beach reminds me too, due to waves bringing refreshing air to the shore. Nights in Hawaii were warm but still had a slight chill in the atmosphere. I specifically remember laying in the sand in Maui on one of the more chilly nights, looking up at the stars and recalling that I had never seen them so bright before. It was as if a giant had scooped up bursting white diamonds and threw them with great force, splattering them endlessly across the jet black sky.

I also remember almost this time last year during spring break in Panama City, FL, where all nights had chilly night air since it wasn't quite summer yet. The feel of the sand between my toes and the sound of rushing ocean waves always come to mind when I think of chilly night air. Anytime I've been to bonfires with friends that weren't in the heat of the summer were during chilly night air.

Marching band, the beach, and childhood play are some of my top memories connected to chilly night air. But there are countless others ranging from watching fireworks, going on walks with friends (especially downtown on the canal), and getting ready to go out that all revolve around chilly night air.

Right now, as I study in my room, I have my window open and my fan on low, bringing the chilly night air into my existence. With a longing for adventure and a pang to break free into the night, I know I must contain myself for now to prepare for an exam.

I am glad though, that I have the chilly night air to keep me company, whispering of adventures past and exciting things to come.

Today was just one of those days.

I simply did not feel like working out. You know those days where you can't imagine working out because you have so much to do in so little time, you're so tired, and you've taken a day or two off so you're nervous to get back into the groove.

Besides, yesterday I ate this meal:

So obviously, I had some major damage control to take care of. Like always, I summoned everything within me and made my way to the rec center. And I must say.. with the short amount of time I had and my lack of motivation, it was surprisingly one of my better workouts!

Perhaps it was talking with my friend Amanda Auron for the first 20 minutes of my workout, or maybe it was the Red Bull I had an hour before. Whatever it was, my workout was superb.

These are the things I need to remind myself on the days where I don't feel motivated. These are the things I need to remember when I'm feeling the possible is impossible. Sure, there will be days where I won't be successful. There will be days like those above where I indulge in heavenly food. But - there will be many, many days of success... whether I feel it can be accomplished or not.

Love is in the air.

Or is it?

I feel as though people have been whining and complaining about this day more than ever before. Perhaps its due to the recent ice storm. It must have chilled and iced over peoples' hearts. Or maybe its because horoscopes apparently changed, so the universe is wobbling and going a little crazy. Or maybe there is just a general discontent in the air that has no causation. Whatever it is, it makes me a little puzzled.

I'm not perfect for always maintaining a positive attitude, but this excessive whining and being bitter does not seem beneficial at all. Regardless if you are single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, I think it would do everyone some good to take a moment. Breathe. And be happy and thankful for who and what has blessed you. Though this holiday is extravagantly over-commercialized, the true meaning of this day, to me, is to love. And that can be loving whoever you want. Whether that be your significant other, your family, your friends, or yourself. Just LOVE and be happy and thankful for what you have.

Tiramisu and you.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, Lamar Clark-Gainous and I decided to make Tiramisu cake on our own. We are big fans of this delicious Italian coffee cake, so we thought, why not? We both have often wondered how do they make Tiramisu look like that and taste so great? If you have never eaten or seen the amazement known as Tiramisu, this is what it looks like:

So, we hit up the Muncie Meijer and began our quest for Tiramisu ingredients. The recipe calls for common items such as eggs and milk, but we sought unique ingredidents as well, such as "lady fingers" and "Mascarpone cheese," among others. We even had to venture to Starbucks to obtain espresso, which definitely makes the dessert!

This little container is the Marscarpone cheese, which is pretty much flavorless and odorless by itself. While mixing this with the other ingredients, we hit roadblock #1 - we couldn't find one of the two mixers for the electric mixer. Our mixture was a fluffy "ice cream in appearance" concoction.. nowhere near the creamy texture we needed. However, we looked and looked for the mixer until luckily, it was found!

We ended up with this delicious mixture.

Unfortunately, we hit roadblock #2! This dealt with an event in the house, which pushed our cooking back about an hour and a half.. but never fear, for we refrigerated our progress and took a small break.

Then, it was time to mix Kahlua and espresso..

You can see nothing but pure concentration here. Haha.

Next, we dipped the lady fingers in the Kahlu, and poured the creamy mixture making two layers.

Doesn't it just look painfully delicious?

As you can see above, we unfortunately did not have an 8x8 square pan, which the recipie called for. All Tiramisu I have ever seen has been square, so we definitely hit roadblock #3 - but we carried on and made our wonderful circle pan work!

And finally, despite a few roadblocks and after more placing of the dipped lady fingers and cocoa powder sprinkling, we have the finished product!

 
Our lovely dish couldn't be eaten right away because our precious Tiramisu needed to sit for several hours in the refrigerator. But I must say... it made for a perfect breakfast the following morning, and a perfect way to focus on the Valentine's Day spirit. :)

Mondays are busy, with my schedule going from about 6:20 a.m. - 9:30 p.m. at night. So, it was nice to sit back and relax and basically celebrate Valentine's Day on Saturday, with the one I love. The Tiramisu was delicious, and the fun we had was ultimately sweeter than the dessert we made. (wasn't that almost as cheesy as marscarpone cheese?) ;)

Global experiences.

So, today in my Psychology of Diversity class, we got into groups to discuss different questions. I believe the categories were: "Privileged Groups," "The Looking Glass View," "Hate Speech." and "The N-word." I chose to be in the "Privileged Groups" group, because my friends all chose it. ;) Well, and also because being white is considered a privilege. We discussed the questions which were about how we see ourselves in our privileged group, how others not in our group see us, and also advantages and disadvantages. One group member offered a very good perspective, because she is from Germany.

I can't spell her name, but it was intriguing to hear about how in Germany, everything is so much more open. For example, in Germany, you must put your picture, race, and marital status on your job application unlike in the United States, where that is not allowed. We discussed how people in the United States often blames race on job success. People say, "well she only got that job because she's white" or "well, he only got that job because he is black." Whereas in Germany, no one would even question race or think twice about it being the reason a person got a job.

She also discussed how in Germany, no one really challenges and/or questions sexuality like here in the United States. For example, people often say, "he must be gay because he dresses so well." In Europe, everybody dresses "well." I learned today that wearing sweatpants to class in Germany would be considered offensive to the professor, so everyone dresses their best. No one makes assumptions about a persons sexuality based on how he or she dresses.

We also discussed pride and how in Germany it is almost impossible for her to express her pride of being German if she isn't around just Germans because people automatically assume she is a "racist nazi." We related this to arguments and ill feelings that sometimes surface between whites and blacks due to our history as a country. I think we sometimes may forget that we are not the only country in the world.

I definitely do not have a Ph.D in Diversity nor have I completed pages of research on the topic. But I do feel that maybe a direction our society should go in should be remembering we are not just part of a country, but we are also part of an entire planet. German experiences are completely different than here.

The bottom line? People get so emotional and angry about the lives of other people that don't affect them. People are afraid to discuss certain topics. People make assumptions based on single characteristics. The list goes on and on.

This is not a diss to the United States whatsoever. I love this place. I simply wish society could be more open minded, talk about issues more, stop being so hateful, and stop making assumptions.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

Do you eat like the french?

I've never been to France, but from teachers, professors, friends, and my own research I have acquired knowledge of french eating and have admired it for quite awhile.

Everything about the french diet is so delicious! The thought of la Patisserie and la Boulangerie and all the french wine makes my mouth water, but my mind wonder.. how do they do it, and stay so fit?

Carbs. They are one of my biggest weaknesses in life. I absolutely ADORE pastas, bread, chips, wings, cake, pizza, ziti, noodles, pastrys, bagels, and so on. In the United States, there are countless "low-carb" diets and "tips and tricks" for avoiding carbs. While it is true that limiting your carb intake will help with weight loss, it is also true your energy levels will be depleted significantly. I know there are other sources of energy and ways around this, but if you examine the french eating lifestyle it is easy to see carbs are vital in their diet. Besides, how could anyone be happy without carbs?!

My good friend Greylor Branford Walston and I have been pursing a "eat like the french" lifestyle, and it is significantly pleasurable! I have found that I am full quicker, appreciate what I'm eating more, and feel healthier with more energy (the Psychology major in me can't help but wonder about the placebo affect...) But regardless, how exactly do you eat like the french?

From what a young adult, American female has gathered...

1.) The french eat slowly, and enjoy ever morsel.

2.) The french LOVE food and take pleasure in it, instead of trying to "avoid" it, especially carbs.

3.) Time is taken out of the day specifically for eating, unlike in our country where a meal can be scarfed down in minutes without the realization of eating at all. Often, shops and places of business close during lunch because it is that important.

4.) The french think of food as a way to nourish their bodies and take pleasure in eating fresh, healthy foods.

5.) This may be the biggest factor in the french diet - portion size. American portions are whopping in size compared to french portions, because by eating slowly and enjoying each bite, the body and mind is allowed time to realize it is full.

6.) Alcohol, especially wine, is not looked down upon or banished from their society. Instead, it is openly allowed and discussed and appreciated. This is not to say they binge drink hard alcohol on lunch breaks, but sipping a glass of wine is not uncommon.

I am definitely no master at this french way of eating and am only a beginner. It is significantly difficult, especially with a meal plan. Also, I don't have the option to walk to a fresh bakery or the ability to buy fresh vegetables each day. However, I am determined to try my best to eat like the french. Viva la France!

And perhaps its not only food and drink we should be taking time to savor and enjoy - perhaps little moments in life, in general, need to be cherished rather than avoided and rushed through. Too often we are bogged down with day to day routines and speeding through work, always wanting to fast-forward to the weekend or get past a challenging task. Perhaps we need to slow everything down a little, appreciate the present, and enjoy every single morsel and every single taste life has to offer.

Is this xanga, only more sophisticated?

I feel quite guilty writing in here. Extremely guilty. Since 2004 I have been blogging on Xanga.com. However, its diminishing population has sometimes lead me to question my pursuits - yes, I'm blogging for myself, but if only I read my blogs, how beneficial is that? I can't say I will turn away from Xanga.com forever; perhaps I'll keep it for more private entries. But I feel maybe its time to "stretch my wings" a little and venture away from the protective realm of Xanga and write where more people read (or won't read at all, but nevertheless I'm making an effort). This "blogger" website completely reminds me of the beginning days of Xanga, before it became polluted by fancy html, advertisements, etc. (Although, I still love reading the "top blogs" posted each day). 

My dearest Xanga, we've had a good run since my dreamy beginnings of blogging at 14. Its time to try out this new site, and see how I like it!