A string of thoughts & so long summer.

It seems like just yesterday I was haphazardly packing all of my belongings and stuffing them into my midsize (and never big enough) car in the pouring rain in preparation for my journey home to Indy for the summer. I remember it clearly - the air was chilled, the rain was coming down hard, and the residence hall of Schmidt/Wilson, which had been home to many just days prior, was now desolate, empty, and forlorn - almost as though it had never been inhabited by hundreds of students at all and had never been buzzing with business, conversation, and laughter. And now, here I sit, with exactly a week left of my summer at home, and I can't quite remember when June and July exactly took place, since they flew by so quickly.

When packing my car on that night in May, I didn't know quite what to expect of this summer. Looking back at it now though, I feel quite satisfied. I do wish I had done more productive matters, especially those related to Psychology and Grad School. But I figure, summer was only 2 months and I have the entire year to focus completely on everything coming my way. And when I say everything coming my way, I moreso mean a massive tidal wave of decisions, choices, and pathways. Graduation, the GRE, choosing for and applying to Grad Schools - all of these are mountains to be climbed and honestly make me quite nauseated when thought about - but they'll all be dealt with at their own time and for now, I'll continue watching Kim Kardashian freak out about Psoriasis.

Anyway - back to this summer. I feel quite thankful for this summer because going into it I wasn't sure if it'd be what I hoped it would be, but it was. I got to work my summer job at Phantom Fireworks with several best friends. I got to see my love more times than I thought I would. I caught up with tons of people and also connected with new ones as well. I got to spend time with family, which is always precious. One of the biggest highlights of my summer was definitely my trip to New York with my dad and brother. Ever since forever, I've dreamed of NYC. I honestly wouldn't have wanted to go to New York for the first time any other way either, because now I can always look back at that special memory and know that my dad brought me there. I'm so thankful for everything from that week, and I hope he understands just how much I loved it. I do plan to return, because I want not a week in the city, but months and years. Someday... :)

For now though, I'll be Muncie bound in just a week. Which once again and so very redundantly, I cannot believe since summer went so fast. I am beyond excited to return to Muncie though, which is something I slightly dreaded this time last year.

This year will be a challenge in many, many ways. For the first time ever, I'll be living in my first apartment ever that I've paid for myself. I'll have to adjust to off-campus living and everything it entails. Lucky for me, I have 4 lovely roommates to experience these trials and tribulations with, and I expect that we'll have some bad days, but hopefully we'll all grow and learn more about the world and each other than ever before, and have countless amazing days as well. Each of these women are amazing in their own way, and I feel so lucky to be living with them.

I also have some anxiety about my inner self. You know, the voice within? The conscience? Id, ego, superego? Well, whatever you like the call that - it brings me a wee bit of anxiety. I say this because I definitely can admit to myself that I'm going to have TONS of distractions this year. To contrast this to my previous years in college, I'll expand a little on why I think I'll be distracted. I'm not counting freshman year though, because in all honesty, it wasn't real life. (Which is probably why it was so ridiculously amazing). But anyway, Sophomore & Junior Year, I had RA'ing to keep me "grounded" so to speak. No need to list everything that kept me grounded, but the job itself kept me grounded due to expectations, obligations, and oh - you know, a curfew. Wellllll, this year.. that is all out the window! The Psychology major in me is screaming, "you're going to be like a dog off a leash! a kid in a candy store! you're going to lose your head!" (you get the idea). I know none of this is true, but I know some of it could be true if I allow it to be so. I know myself well enough though, to know that I won't completely lose myself. But I also know myself well enough to know that I'm definitely going to be faced with many choices and distractions and I have to remember to keep my focus.

I'm not going to awkwardly end this blog in an abrupt manner because I need to remove this makeup from my face. I think this might be the 4th time I've worn make up all summer.

My short time in the big apple

It is sad to say, but my time in New York City has come to an end. But its okay, because what goes up must come down and, more importantly - I plan to return.

I often read and have heard people speak very romantically about NYC. It is personified almost as a lover or best friend. Magazines, books, TV shows, and so on are always speaking about NYC as if it is a person itself, when in fact its just a city. However, it is such a city and I can't think of any amount of time that would be enough to explore every inch of it. Maybe not even a lifetime.

I was fortunate enough to have had the experience of spending just 4 quick days right in the heart of the city, in a hotel in Times Square with my dad and brother. I can't thank my dad enough for providing such an awesome experience for me.

I do want to return to NYC though, and not just for sight-seeing. I may be wrong, but I think I want to live there, at least for a little while. I want to work there, discover there, and somehow start to feel at home there. If the city of New York is person like people say, I want to become best friends with that person. I want to walk the streets confidently knowing where I'm going, be acquainted with food vendors, go out at night with friends, and come home dead tired of a long day of work to a place that is home. I've always considered myself a "city girl" because I love anything "city" and don't care too much for desolate areas or "the country." So, it only makes sense that I feel a longing in my bones to make some sort of nest for myself in "the big apple."

There were sooo many things to love about NYC. What were my favorites?

The Food! I loved that everything was fresh and basically made daily. And of course, there was much variety on every street. Foods from all over the world were conveniently nestled in small restaurants literally everywhere.

The people! NYC is full of so many people, and the people are just as diverse, if not more, as the variety of foods. I've always taken an interest in people (maybe thats why I'm a Psychology major). New York is bustling with all different kinds of people, and its like a mini television show while walking through the streets of New York. My mind wanders and I can only imagine all the stories the thousands of people could tell.

Being able to walk everywhere! I lost 5 pounds while in New York.. all the while eating pizza, gelato, bagels, kabobs, etc. I loved knowing I could walk anywhere I needed to be. Of course, I could do that here in Indianapolis but its not exactly practical or safe considering there are no sidewalks outside of neighborhoods.

Everyone was fashionable. This statement is funny because I definitely don't consider myself to be a highly fashionable person at all. I did love being surrounded by very fashionable people though, and it was a motivating factor to dress "better" myself. There were no sweat pants to be found in NYC.

The city of course never sleeps. I'm a constant whiner about places closing early in Muncie and in Indy. I've never understood why anything should ever close. But obviously, New York understands that nothing should ever close. Therefore, I loved that aspect of the city. Of course, I understand there isn't really a need for everything to always be open where I live, because it would be dead. Its people like me with like ideals that things should always be open who would love living in NYC.

The subway! I love the idea of waking up in the morning, walking a few blocks to the subway, taking it to where I need to be, and walking the rest of the way to that destination. Besides, the subway never fails. It comes at the same time everyday. One would never have to worry about construction, detours, road delays, or weather. How much better could it get?

Everyone was fit! No, really! I rarely saw an out of shape person. This has to have something to do with the walking everywhere/eating fresh foods correlation.

Everyone walked at a fast pace! This is a stereotype that New Yorkers walk fast, but its definitely true. I'm a fast walker more often than not, so it was nice to walk alongside people who walked just as fast - or faster.

Of course, the architecture! I'm a sucker for skyscrapers, so obviously New York's endless array of buildings requiring me to bend over backwards almost to see the top of make me smile.


Though I have listed a few of my favorite aspects about New York, I'm a realistic person and I realize living in New York wouldn't always be a "bed of roses." I recognize I'd have longing desires to return to my true home in Indianapolis. I know I'd get tired of the noise and the hustle and bustle at times, and there would be nights where I'd feel incredibly lonely in such a big place.

But maybe thats why people compare the city of New York to a relationship with a person - because it won't be perfect. Perhaps finding the place to live thats right for you is exactly like matchmaking. What one person looks for in someone is different than what another looks for. Some people like certain personality traits and physical characteristics and some like others. I believe its the same for where you live or where you want to live someday. And so, if I were to list desirable characteristics in a "mate" to live.. New York would meet a lot of those qualities. And like any relationship, work is required and its not always sunshine and flowers. Sacrifices are made, there are good times and bad, but its all part of a relationship. With regards to my time in New York, I definitely want to get to know that city better and actually start a relationship rather than having a one night stand. ;)

End of metaphor.

I think I'll end this blog with one of my favorite Sex and the City quotes. (I know.. obsession). But this quote really sums up how I feel.

"If Louis was right, and you only get one great love, then New York may just be mine...and I can't have nobody talkin' shit about my boyfriend." - Carrie Bradshaw

What I will miss most

4 days left, and I'm freeee.

Next year is sure to be a challenge, with living off campus on my own. Paying bills, cooking food, and sharing an apartment with 4 other women are just a few of the challenges that come with my living situation for senior year. However, it is something that I greatly anticipate and am beyond excited for! I'm completely ready and can't imagine what is to come.

Living on campus is somewhat of a comfort blanket, in my opinion. One gets many perks of on campus living. I know there are several things I will miss about living on campus (and my RA position). What will I miss most?

1. My Staff

 

It's been an amazing year working with these people, and I wish them all the best of luck for next year! I know I'll miss seeing their faces every day. 

2. Having a concrete connection to campus

I don't doubt that I'll maintain a pretty good connection to campus since I'm living so near to campus, but the RA position makes sure one is connected at all times to pretty much everything going on at BSU. It will be somewhat of a relief to not constantly be "in the know" but at the same time, I'll miss being updated about every single thing going on.

3. Residents

Ahhh! You thought I'd never go here, didn't you? But I'll admit it, I'll miss my residents. Being an RA is definitely a job but it doesn't go without those days where residents just make you smile. I couldn't have asked for a better floor both last year and this year, and even residents who don't live on my floor make me smile. Having worked in a primarily freshmen residence hall, I've had the opportunity to be a helping hand for many people this year. Its been amazing to watch everyone grow from freshmen to sophomores and I can definitely see positive changes from move in day until now. There are certain things I'll always remember about people and interactions I've had. I wish all the little whales (staff joke) of Schmidt/Wilson the best in the following year! (Awwww Jeeen, so cheesy!) I know, I know.

4. Safety

This may be cheesy as well, but I feel completely safe in my residence hall. I'm not sure if people realize how safe residence halls are (compared to off-campus living, at least). Small things such as card swiping and knowing the faces of those you live with help with safety. I don't have to worry so much about burglars breaking into my home or anything of that nature. Next year, those things will be much more of a concern for my roommates and I, because the reality of the world is that those things do happen. 

 

5. Free furniture + cable + internet

Basically, nothing is free. The RA position does pay for housing and dining though, which is a definite perk. I don't think I'll ever have two of every furniture item in my room for free ever again in life. Haha. 

6. The custodial/maintenance staff

To put it simply, I've had the privilege of working with a pretty kickass custodial/maintenance staff. Steven and Samir get my biggest shout out, but everyone is pretty great. I'll definitely miss the daily conversations with these guys, and also their helping hands. They never hesitate to help someone out and often go out of their way to make sure everything is groooovy. 

7. A downstairs gym.

While the rec center is my second boyfriend, there have been times where working out downstairs has been very beneficial (especially with the past few weeks of rainy weather). I'll definitely miss the convenience of having access to a treadmill and elliptical (among other equipment) right down the stairs of my residence hall. Next year, even if its pouring rain, I'll have to trek it over the the rec.

8. Residence hall computer lab

I feel as though many people complain about these for various reasons (printers not working, computers not working, etc). However, residence hall computer labs are quite nice and most importantly, convenient. From now on, I'll be paying for printer ink, paper, and maintenance if anything breaks. Its definitely been a perk having access to all of this for free (and also the copier).

9. And of course... the meal plan.

Ahh.. with just a quick swipe of a plastic card, I have received free meals. I most enjoy swiping for Starbucks and Taco Bell (but try to eat these sparingly). An instant meal is in my hands within minutes, without me having to purchase, prepare, and cook anything. I'm looking forward to expanding my very sad cooking skills next year and taking ownership with cooking meals - but I know my heart will long for the convenience of meal swiping.

And also, these bad boys..

 (What can I say, I'm a sucker for Lafollette "munchies..") hahahaaa.

10. Parking Services

I'm really going to miss parking on campus and Parking Services.
.... GOT YOU! This one is definitely a joke, but I had to make my list an even 10.

And so, there is is. A list of the things I'll miss the most from on campus living. While its true that I could compile a list of things I won't miss about on campus living and the RA position, I don't feel it is necessary. This blog is purely for the positive. ;)

I think the important thing to remember is that change, while scary at times, is inevitable. As someone who embraces change for the most part, I can't say I'm too distraught about leaving all of this behind. But I definitely am a sentimental person as well, so I know what I'll miss most about on-campus living. I had the hardest time ever dealing with the change that came with the end of high school because I loved every second of high school so much and had never imagined a world bigger than that. I now realize though, that change can't be stopped, its vital to growing and maturing, and in most cases, its good.

So, for whatever change you are about to embark on, just remember that its going to happen regardless and it'll all be okay. I think these lines sum it up best:

"Ever new beginning comes from some other beginnings end..." <3

Adieu, residence halls & resident assistant lifestyle.

As I finish vacuuming, dusting, and cleaning my residence hall dorm room for what will probably be the last time in my life, I take time to reflect on the past few years of my life from the young freshman year to the now polished and mature end of junior year, leading into what will be my senior year and last year of undergrad. Throughout these years in undergrad, residence halls have been a main part of my life, but I now have a mere 11 nights left in these residence halls I have known as home, and also my RA job which has definitely played a huge role in my life thus far. 11 days left to go.

The first hall I lived in was beloved Woody/Shales in LaFollette Complex, on the West side of campus. I can still remember moving in on that hot summer day and seeing faces of women who became my best friends.

Words to describe my time in Woody/Shales - Amazing. New. Fabulous. Selfish. Immature. Wild. Unproductive. Magical. Free. Fun. Hilarious. Discovery. Reckless. Irresponsible. Unrealistic. Endless. Surrounded by best friends. Unpredictable. Hopeful. Frustrating. Exciting. Belonging. Heartbreaking. Home.

Freshman year went by in what seemed like a millisecond, and then I was a Sophomore living in Stu West in Palmer hall (but only for a quick semester). Stu West, for me, was a transition period. I was coming off the high of Freshman year but not quite matured as I am now and still pretty naive and unfocused about most things. 

Words to describe my time in Palmer Hall - Slightly focused. New. Comforting. Amusing. Silly. Fun. Refreshing. Sleepless. Home.

The newer building with central air conditioning, new furniture, and updated facility equipment was something I loved about living there. Even the outdoors were prettier, with a retention pond and waterfall nearby. The East side was a nice change, but I didn't live there for long. I soon moved back to my roots on the West side...

Mid-semester, I got hired for an RA position in Schmidt/Wilson hall in Johnson B complex, and I've lived and worked here ever since. It was a place I had never visited but would soon learn would be a place I'd dedicate a majority of my time to. I quickly moved my things and suddenly, life took on a more professional, focused, and busy turn.

Its an interesting thing, living where you work. Being on the job 24/7. The life of an RA is one that really can only be understood by those who go through it. Nonetheless, it is the most rewarding, frustrating, time-consuming job one can have during their undergraduate years. At times it can suck the life out of you, but more often than not its a calm stream of responsibilities that basically become part of your daily routine and you don't quite think about them anymore. It would be irrelevant and unnecessary to write about every single feeling I have about the RA position, but I believe the above paragraph does it a decent amount of justice. My fellow RA's know a wee bit more. ;)

Words to describe my time in Schmidt/Wilson Hall: Busy. Hectic. Tiring. Communicative. Professional. Planned. Scheduled. Work. Discipline. Sacrifices. Organized. Responsible. Romantic. Lucky. Happy. Sad. Angry. Helpful. Helpless. Accountable. Knowledgeable. Rewarding. Grateful. Testing. Fast-paced. Home.

Its interesting to look at the words from Woody/Shales and compare them to the words of Schmidt/Wilson. Its obvious I've matured and gained so much from the times of being that carefree Freshman living with all of my best friends, to living on my own with the professional life of an RA.

What is one word, though, that is consistent with each hall and phase of my life? Home. Each of these halls have been my home at once place in time or another. Not the "home" in indianapolis that is a one-of-a-kind home, but home enough. These have all been places I've called "home" and my time here is dwindling light a flickering candle flame in the wind.

Its bittersweet that in 11 days, it'll all be in the past. But, I'm ready for what's to come in the "real world" as people like to call it. At least I still have the security blanket of college to keep me from fully being in the "real world," but I'm definitely entering a new era in which I'm much more into the real world than not.

Like it or not, the real world is coming. Fast.

Gloooomy, gloomy days.

What I've noticed: Most people are stressed. Many are burned out. Many people haven't slept well due to looming assignments, papers, projects, etc. Almost everyone has just about had it. Its interesting how the weather - rainy, cloudy, dismal, and gray - is mirroring the general mood around campus these days. And I definitely don't think its helping.

I know for me, personally, this is the easiest semester (academic-wise) I've had for my college career, so for that I'm very thankful. Doesn't make me any less busy though, but I'm definitely not wanting to pull my hair out like in past semesters. There are just as many things going on in my life that make me feel like a big raincloud sometimes. Stress about the future, impending graduation which is way sooner than later and approaching rapidly, personal life stressors, and completing everything are just a few things bogging me down.

According to my extended forecast, the sun will shine on Friday. So, in the words of Rebecca Black (I had to) lets all look forward to that day. When the sun shines. Friday, Friday, Friday. Gettin' down on Friday.

Or, metaphorically, lets look forward to the "Friday" in our lives when things aren't so stressful. When the work load settles - temporarily, but settles - and we can breathe. I'm excited for the sun to shine. How about you? :)

I wanna be...

Getting on this

To look out at these...

To arrive here...

With this in my hand.

Perhaps I'd do this all day.

I'd surely get plenty of this.

I'd hear nothing but the sounds of ocean waves lulling me in and out of a peaceful sleep as the warm sun would wrap its graceful arms around me.

I'd take a dip in the pool.

Perhaps I'd go for a dive below the ocean, and see these...

Maybe this guy would peek out from behind a rock and swim by majestically, surprising me.

Evening would fall, and I might go for a walk along the shore.

The night would grow later, and I might head out for some fun.

I'd dance the night away without a care in world, until I grew tired. 

I'd come back to a plush bed of crisp, white hotel sheets which would engulf me for a dreamy, perfect sleep.

In the morning I'd awake to the sounds of seagulls and the ocean shore, as a breeze would fill my room with the scent of salt and sand.

Who knows what I would do during the day. It'd be so easy because I'd be so free. Who knows where'd I go, where I'd be, or who I'd see. But what matters most.. is it would all be up to me.

Pushing through

Weight loss. This is a concept many people are familiar with or are not familiar with. For me, it is something I am very familiar with, especially since January.

Fall 2010 proved to be a challenging semester for me, physically. Having a broken foot for over a month prevented me from doing any workout, except upper body which is decent but doesn't burn even a dent of calories. Recovering from my foot injury was a slow process as well, and proved to be more difficult than I thought. While not working out for 2 months is something that doesn't sound too devastating, it is important to understand my body. I don't even understand my body, but I think I've finally mastered most of what its about with regards to fitness.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I was not graced with a fast metabolism. What I mean by this is that I can look at a soda and gain 2 pounds. (Okay, not literally.. but humor me here). In January, I decided it was time to smack down on my body and whip it back into shape.

My body frame is not small - I have never been one of those teeny girls with size 1 jeans that are baggy. I have a pretty curvaceous figure as well and I'm also pretty tall, which is a blessing since I can carry my weight well, but a curse because changes aren't too noticeable to most people. However, by having a curvy, dense, and tall body I must work hard to maintain healthy proportions. In January I felt as though I had reached a tipping point - I could either continue on the path I was on and have unhappy results or, I could kick it in gear and get into better shape.

Look, thats me in high school! Marching band and being on the tennis team kept me rather slim and trim and probably at the smallest size ever, for me. I know I'm not alone when I say I miss my high school body (minus people who have improved their high school body, which is wonderful). I understand though, that with the end of high school also comes growing up, a changing metabolism, calorie temptations in college, and less exercise, among other roadblocks. 

I may never reach my "high school body" but.. I refuse to be where I don't want to be.

This is me on Halloween, 2010 at my most unhappy point with regards to my body. You may be thinking, "but Jen, you don't look that different." Wrong. That was about 15 pounds ago. 

Here is my model-status body (ha.. ha) from a few weeks ago. I probably don't look much different, but I can tell a world's difference.

Today, I am satisfied with my body more than before. My endurance is where it should be, I am tighter & toned, and I've lost a significant amount of weight, for me at least. I don't want to stop here though. I have to keep pushing through.

So.. how difficult has this been for me all semester? I think people underestimate my efforts. I don't feel as though it is quite understood how drastic my efforts have to be in order to lose weight. When I tell people my lifestyle for the past semester, no one believes me. My lifestyle this semester should have probably resulted in faster success, but for me the process is very slow. So what exactly do I do?

Don't drink any alcohol. Ever.

No exaggeration. I can't drink alcohol and lose weight. I gave it up for 40 days and saw the best results. I had a few splurges (not even nights of binge drinking.. just a moderate amount of alcohol) and my progress was slowed down dramatically.

Consume no more than 1200 calories per day.

Yes. Not 1300, not 1250.. but 1200. I sometimes go over by a couple hundred, but if so, I work it off. 1200 was difficult at first, but its gotten to be pretty much habit now.

No soda. 

In the past 4 months, I have had maybe 2 or 3 sodas, and each were diet. 

Work out at least 5 out of 7 days per week (7-day week).

I can't skip a work out. I won't see any progress if I don't work out. "I don't have time to work out" is the most common phrase I hear and let me tell you, I definitely have a busy schedule. But I can always find at least 45 minutes to an hour to squeeze a work out in, even on my busiest days. And when I say work out, I'm talking about at least 45 - 60 minutes of cardio + resistance/weight training. None of that 20 minutes on the elliptical, resistance 0 business. And I am not dissing 20 minutes on the elliptical - like I said, my endurance has increased. I used to be panting + gasping for air after 20 minutes.

No snacking on junk food. EVER.

I can't eat chips or cookies or anything. If I have a snack, its 3 or 5 crackers with peanut butter or maybe a protein bar.

Track every. single. morsel. that enters your mouth.

www.thedailyplate.com has become my top visited site. Even on bad days where I've gone waaay over 1200, I am honest and track everything. And speaking about bad days...

NEVER take a break. remain consistent.

I'll admit I've been slacking in this area. I would constantly fluctuate between a 5-pound area by dieting during the week and indulging on weekends. This doesn't work. I absolutely have to be consistent for weeks and weeks and weeks. 

Accept set-backs and overcome them.

I have had so many set-backs throughout this process. Getting stuck at a weight, gaining weight for no reason, etc. I can't get hung up on these though. What I've realized the most out of my efforts is that with food and exercise aside.. I truly believe 80% of the game is willpower, dedication, and a positive attitude. It is mind over matter. No, its not easy. Its one of the most difficult efforts of all. But when you put your mind to it and consciously focus and tell yourself you will be successful, you start to see success.

So, the point of this writing? No really sure. I am not wishing to lecture or sound like I know everything about dieting and exercising because, obviously I'm not pro. Also, I have still have a long way to go. But I think the most important lesson about weight loss is that it is a personal battle and no one else's battle but your own. And also that, even though you are the only person who is in control of the battle, you are not alone in the battle because there are billions of others fighting the same or similar battles. 

Find out what it takes for your body to be its best. Put your mind to the goal, and work hard. 

So, here is a shout out to anyone trying the same thing I am. WE CAN DO IT!

If you read this much, you deserve a high five. :)

Here comes the sun.

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

So you know how you have those days where everything goes wrong, one thing and after another? Your alarm doesn't go off, you spill your coffee, you leave an assignment in your room, maybe you argue with a friend or find out some devastating news. Well, its interesting how bad days can be SO bad, and the bad keeps coming.. but what is more interesting, is how good days can be so good and the good just keeps coming.

Like today, for instance. Today is my favorite day so far in March. And I'll tell you why. My brother is better, today. Not yesterday, not the day before, but today. Just like a light switch, he's back and he's better. That is the most important part of today.

My fridge is fixed. The metal plugs are out of my wall. (both, thanks to Samir from Johnson B). My assignments from the beginning of the week which made Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday a living hell.. are complete.

Also, out of all the days we've had so far this year.. today speaks Spring. Sure, we've had a few other days that were a little warmer than most.. but today is the warmest, sunniest day we've had all year. SPRING IS HERE.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week were 3 of the worst days I've had in awhile. I didn't get sleep one night for staying up late to finish something and then experienced anxiety due to having to be up in 3 hours for desk. I can't sleep if I know I have to be up in 3 or 4 hours. The combination of being bogged down with tests, papers, and work all in the same week combined with coming off my Spring Break high and also my family worries made Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday horrible. BUT - today.. today is wonderful.

I feel in my heart this may be the beginning to better times. I feel hopeful, happy, and a little more content about the future (near future, at least). It is true though, that we never know what the future holds. So, though I have a very positive outlook, I want to focus on now. Because, I LOVE today.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. Thats why they call it the PRESENT." - Lil Wayne

And what better a way to celebrate today, than with St. Patricks Day? No, I'm not Irish. No, I'm not Catholic. But I will celebrate and partake in this wonderful holiday.. maybe not the way it was intended to be celebrated, but I'm celebrating the way they will at Dill tonight, and at every other bar in the country.

Today could not be better.

Like we used to.

Last night was a refreshing, fun, and and hilarious time. I spent time with my dear friends Christa Clouse, Katie Yonts, Stevie Carnes, and Malia Duty. We missed Holly and Jenni Reynolds.. or wait, Jenni Verstraeten! But had a blast nonetheless!

When we used to get hype off Monster and sugar, we now got hype off.. well, more adult beverages.

With the all the conversation, laughter, and quotes from the night.. the best part was simply being with these friends I've had since elementary and junior high school. It was like the old days in junior high with nights spent together. This makes me smile. And though we've all done different things and had new experiences, last night wasn't much different than those nights in junior high. We still had food, we still laughed, and we still enjoyed being together. It seems even as we go different ways and don't see each other as often, we still always find each other and find time to be together. And that, makes me very happy. :)

A taste of home

This afternoon, I enjoyed a wonderful lunch with my good friends Greylor and Natasha Charles. We decided to try Sitara, the new Indian cuisine restaurant in Muncie.

I couldn't help but smile when I walked in the door - it smelled like the homes of my good friends Krupa Dave, Chirag Patel, and Darshi Bosamia. This warmer weather mixed with these smells made me think of summer days spent with friends from home and days past enjoying the outdoors and then eating together. The food was lovely and such a nice treat from the monotony of campus food.

I'll definitely be eating there again.

Positive positive positive.

This month, and this week specifically, seems to be dragging people down. Way, way down in the dumps. From breakups to family issues to the weather and general daily misfortunes, the general mood from my observations is very low. For me personally, I've been enjoying myself and have been quite content minus the weather, of course. A family issue has surfaced that I won't mention on here, but it has definitely got me down this week (as it should). Seeing something bad happen to someone else is sometimes worse than experiencing something bad yourself, because you know there is nothing you can do to fix it. Not that you can always help when bad things happen to yourself either, but at least you somewhat have power within your locust of control.

So, to all who are going through something this month, whatever it may be.. just remember, the sun will shine again. This is something I believe strongly in, though I don't refer to myself as an optimist (nor do I refer to myself as a pessimist).  But I do believe things change and I do believe it gets better.

The snow will melt, the cold will cease, warmth will come into the world again. The sun will rise again. :)

I want

to live in a world where no one is sad, no one is lonely, no one grows old or gets sick, and no one knows what the word "hopeless" means. i want to live in a world where no one throws their hands up to the sky, asking why in despair. i want to live in a world where everybody has at least one person in their corner. i want to live in a world where no one leaves, ever. and i want to live in a world where loved ones are always there and will be there.. forever.

Chilly night air.

I absolutely love chilly night air.

I think its because I have so many fond memories that took place in chilly night air. When I was a kid, my cousins and I would play outside all day until the last possible minute before being told to come inside. We'd always beg for "5 more minutes" and extend our play into the chilly night air. I can still remember the smell and feel of the excitement before a marching band competition or high school football game performance, which took place in chilly night air. The beach reminds me too, due to waves bringing refreshing air to the shore. Nights in Hawaii were warm but still had a slight chill in the atmosphere. I specifically remember laying in the sand in Maui on one of the more chilly nights, looking up at the stars and recalling that I had never seen them so bright before. It was as if a giant had scooped up bursting white diamonds and threw them with great force, splattering them endlessly across the jet black sky.

I also remember almost this time last year during spring break in Panama City, FL, where all nights had chilly night air since it wasn't quite summer yet. The feel of the sand between my toes and the sound of rushing ocean waves always come to mind when I think of chilly night air. Anytime I've been to bonfires with friends that weren't in the heat of the summer were during chilly night air.

Marching band, the beach, and childhood play are some of my top memories connected to chilly night air. But there are countless others ranging from watching fireworks, going on walks with friends (especially downtown on the canal), and getting ready to go out that all revolve around chilly night air.

Right now, as I study in my room, I have my window open and my fan on low, bringing the chilly night air into my existence. With a longing for adventure and a pang to break free into the night, I know I must contain myself for now to prepare for an exam.

I am glad though, that I have the chilly night air to keep me company, whispering of adventures past and exciting things to come.

Today was just one of those days.

I simply did not feel like working out. You know those days where you can't imagine working out because you have so much to do in so little time, you're so tired, and you've taken a day or two off so you're nervous to get back into the groove.

Besides, yesterday I ate this meal:

So obviously, I had some major damage control to take care of. Like always, I summoned everything within me and made my way to the rec center. And I must say.. with the short amount of time I had and my lack of motivation, it was surprisingly one of my better workouts!

Perhaps it was talking with my friend Amanda Auron for the first 20 minutes of my workout, or maybe it was the Red Bull I had an hour before. Whatever it was, my workout was superb.

These are the things I need to remind myself on the days where I don't feel motivated. These are the things I need to remember when I'm feeling the possible is impossible. Sure, there will be days where I won't be successful. There will be days like those above where I indulge in heavenly food. But - there will be many, many days of success... whether I feel it can be accomplished or not.

Love is in the air.

Or is it?

I feel as though people have been whining and complaining about this day more than ever before. Perhaps its due to the recent ice storm. It must have chilled and iced over peoples' hearts. Or maybe its because horoscopes apparently changed, so the universe is wobbling and going a little crazy. Or maybe there is just a general discontent in the air that has no causation. Whatever it is, it makes me a little puzzled.

I'm not perfect for always maintaining a positive attitude, but this excessive whining and being bitter does not seem beneficial at all. Regardless if you are single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, I think it would do everyone some good to take a moment. Breathe. And be happy and thankful for who and what has blessed you. Though this holiday is extravagantly over-commercialized, the true meaning of this day, to me, is to love. And that can be loving whoever you want. Whether that be your significant other, your family, your friends, or yourself. Just LOVE and be happy and thankful for what you have.

Tiramisu and you.

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, Lamar Clark-Gainous and I decided to make Tiramisu cake on our own. We are big fans of this delicious Italian coffee cake, so we thought, why not? We both have often wondered how do they make Tiramisu look like that and taste so great? If you have never eaten or seen the amazement known as Tiramisu, this is what it looks like:

So, we hit up the Muncie Meijer and began our quest for Tiramisu ingredients. The recipe calls for common items such as eggs and milk, but we sought unique ingredidents as well, such as "lady fingers" and "Mascarpone cheese," among others. We even had to venture to Starbucks to obtain espresso, which definitely makes the dessert!

This little container is the Marscarpone cheese, which is pretty much flavorless and odorless by itself. While mixing this with the other ingredients, we hit roadblock #1 - we couldn't find one of the two mixers for the electric mixer. Our mixture was a fluffy "ice cream in appearance" concoction.. nowhere near the creamy texture we needed. However, we looked and looked for the mixer until luckily, it was found!

We ended up with this delicious mixture.

Unfortunately, we hit roadblock #2! This dealt with an event in the house, which pushed our cooking back about an hour and a half.. but never fear, for we refrigerated our progress and took a small break.

Then, it was time to mix Kahlua and espresso..

You can see nothing but pure concentration here. Haha.

Next, we dipped the lady fingers in the Kahlu, and poured the creamy mixture making two layers.

Doesn't it just look painfully delicious?

As you can see above, we unfortunately did not have an 8x8 square pan, which the recipie called for. All Tiramisu I have ever seen has been square, so we definitely hit roadblock #3 - but we carried on and made our wonderful circle pan work!

And finally, despite a few roadblocks and after more placing of the dipped lady fingers and cocoa powder sprinkling, we have the finished product!

 
Our lovely dish couldn't be eaten right away because our precious Tiramisu needed to sit for several hours in the refrigerator. But I must say... it made for a perfect breakfast the following morning, and a perfect way to focus on the Valentine's Day spirit. :)

Mondays are busy, with my schedule going from about 6:20 a.m. - 9:30 p.m. at night. So, it was nice to sit back and relax and basically celebrate Valentine's Day on Saturday, with the one I love. The Tiramisu was delicious, and the fun we had was ultimately sweeter than the dessert we made. (wasn't that almost as cheesy as marscarpone cheese?) ;)

Global experiences.

So, today in my Psychology of Diversity class, we got into groups to discuss different questions. I believe the categories were: "Privileged Groups," "The Looking Glass View," "Hate Speech." and "The N-word." I chose to be in the "Privileged Groups" group, because my friends all chose it. ;) Well, and also because being white is considered a privilege. We discussed the questions which were about how we see ourselves in our privileged group, how others not in our group see us, and also advantages and disadvantages. One group member offered a very good perspective, because she is from Germany.

I can't spell her name, but it was intriguing to hear about how in Germany, everything is so much more open. For example, in Germany, you must put your picture, race, and marital status on your job application unlike in the United States, where that is not allowed. We discussed how people in the United States often blames race on job success. People say, "well she only got that job because she's white" or "well, he only got that job because he is black." Whereas in Germany, no one would even question race or think twice about it being the reason a person got a job.

She also discussed how in Germany, no one really challenges and/or questions sexuality like here in the United States. For example, people often say, "he must be gay because he dresses so well." In Europe, everybody dresses "well." I learned today that wearing sweatpants to class in Germany would be considered offensive to the professor, so everyone dresses their best. No one makes assumptions about a persons sexuality based on how he or she dresses.

We also discussed pride and how in Germany it is almost impossible for her to express her pride of being German if she isn't around just Germans because people automatically assume she is a "racist nazi." We related this to arguments and ill feelings that sometimes surface between whites and blacks due to our history as a country. I think we sometimes may forget that we are not the only country in the world.

I definitely do not have a Ph.D in Diversity nor have I completed pages of research on the topic. But I do feel that maybe a direction our society should go in should be remembering we are not just part of a country, but we are also part of an entire planet. German experiences are completely different than here.

The bottom line? People get so emotional and angry about the lives of other people that don't affect them. People are afraid to discuss certain topics. People make assumptions based on single characteristics. The list goes on and on.

This is not a diss to the United States whatsoever. I love this place. I simply wish society could be more open minded, talk about issues more, stop being so hateful, and stop making assumptions.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.